My Dear Ben by Cat

Word count 1,200

Written for the Lancer Writer ‘55^th Anniversary Episode Tag Celebration’

Episode Tag:  Blood Rock

This little letter came about as I tried to find a way to explain why Scott seemed to know Ben well and felt responsible for his welfare.  I hope this is a satisfactory answer to that – and it’s why Ben gets a mention in the previous snippet.  It is also my way of pointing up the parallels the story so clearly should have emphasized and didn’t!

Thanks to Sprite and Chris, who both had to suggest quite firmly that I sort out the timescales!

Scott to Ben, ten years after the events of the Blood Rock.

My Dear Ben,

I was so pleased to read your letter.  Mr. Taft’s great good fortune and prudence have been the subject of many discussions at the dinner table over the last ten years since the Tafts took you in, and we are all very glad that your move with them to Sacramento went so well.  I know you will enjoy your college years there and will have many opportunities to choose a career that will best suit your skills. We shall all miss your yearly visits to the ranch but hope to bring our families to Sacramento in the not too distant future.

By the way, my brother is reading over my shoulder and tells me I am being much too formal.  I told him to go and write his own letter but I’m not sure of the outcome of my suggestion.  He muttered something about not taking orders well although he abandoned that idea a long while ago in the face of my father’s instructions.  Murdoch does indeed still call the shots. 

But back to the matter in hand.  I wanted to thank you again for being so helpful in the first weeks after my arrival at Lancer.  They were chaotic times, weren’t they!  I still remember, even after all this time, that no one could be spared to guide me through the tasks that were suddenly delegated to me as Murdoch tried ensure my brother was being sensible while he recruited new hands and oversaw the damage to the hacienda.  Without your assistance and patience, I would have lost the respect of even loyal Cipriano, who did his best to help me surreptitiously but did not have time to answer all my many questions. 

I hope I was not too distracted in those first few days, when it looked as though Johnny was not going to recover; your persistence despite your own fears for your mother’s health were a lifeline to me as I tried to adapt my leadership skills to keeping the day-to-day affairs of the ranch going.  Even so simple a task as making sure the cattle were moved to a new pasture kept me awake at night, until you told me who to speak to and the basics of such a move.  I had no idea it was more complex than simply opening a gate! 

Do you remember our beautiful palominos?  Murdoch remains so proud of them, and they are still the finest in the valley.  With them, at least, I felt confident and you will be pleased to know we have built and refined the stock to the point of being the best in the whole state, in my opinion.  Perhaps when you are done with college you would like to learn something of the business of trading them?  Mr. Taft tells me you have a fine head for figures and have taken a great interest in his business ventures.  I believe he may be running for office in the Assembly soon, so perhaps you wish to follow in his footsteps?  If not, you would be most welcome to visit and learn more here, if that would interest you. 

And now we come to the main business of this letter.  You asked for my advice regarding your father, whose death, even after the long passage of time, I know you remember vividly.  You say you consult Emerson often for his sage advice – may I remind you that, “Not only things familiar and stale, but even the tragic and terrible are comely, as they take their place in the pictures of memory.” He says even, “the foolish person … [has] a grace in the past.”  I have taken care to quote the man in the proper manner, as you will do when you enter college.  I do not know that I entirely agree with him.  My memories of the war, as they come to me suddenly from time to time, have not become “comely”, nor have they acquired much “grace”, and I know you have not entirely reconciled yourself to your father’s actions.  You have compared him to Murdoch, both trying to negotiate parenthood with sons they barely knew.  Yes, I know my father had to learn – or re-learn in my brother’s case – to be a parent to us both.  But his parenthood was taken from him; your father rejected the chance he had.  However, it seems to me he regretted that and perhaps thought that the money he was offering you (did you say he invited you to play with it?) was compensation enough, because he only valued money, not his family.  It is no use speculating whether he would  have become a good father if he had lived.  I think it is enough that he gave you what he could, and that in the end Murdoch made sure you saw for yourself who he was, even if you were too young and had to give up too much of your misunderstanding of him and the life he led to see him clearly at that time. 

I do not know if those few thoughts are of any help to you.  Perhaps if we do meet again when you are considering your future, we can discuss this further.  I can with certainty say that, while my first meeting with my father was as contentious as it could have been, we came to know and understand one another very quickly.  I knew at the time that was something I wished for you; but we cannot have everything we wish for, and are better for relying on ourselves for whatever contentment we may have in our lives. Our stories did indeed, as you say, run in some ways parallel – we were all five of us fathers or sons, striving to come to terms with very new relationships in the most difficult of circumstances. 

But I know that all three sons have thrived, and that I am sure my father is very happy to have been a part of that growth. 

I hope that is some kind of answer to your questions.  I am sure you will continue to wonder about a life that might have been; but I hope you will remember that the real life you have is much more valuable and satisfying than any fanciful dream.  I have found that to be true, and I believe my brother feels that to be true too, though he would probably express that more succinctly!

I shall look forward to your next missive and remain always, your grateful friend,

Scott Lancer

End
September 2023

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