After Words by Cat

Word Count 787

Episode tag- Dream of Falcons

I dunno.  I saw a lot of my first days in Chad’s first days.  When Murdoch asked my opinion, I remembered what I was feeling when I was being asked too quick to be someone else – to leave Johnny Madrid and become Murdoch’s son.  Yeah, he’s learning, I said. That was my opinion. Might be better if you eased up on him a little bit.  I said that too but my father, he finds a reason not to ease up and I guess he knows best.  He did all right with me, in the end. 

And then Murdoch just went right ahead and put his trust in supporting that town.  Seemed like that was more important than anything to him. I had to walk away from that before I said something to kill his enthusiasm for the project.  Town-saving, that’s what Murdoch thought he was doing.

Maybe I was being blind, or feeling too good that day, but Buck being there at the hacienda, not looking too happy, just kinda took me off guard.  And Chad, standing up for that Muller guy, I just didn’t get it.  But there he stood, after I had a word with him, and he just spoke up for what he believed.  I thought it was kinda funny, then.  Shared a joke with my father.  Know different now.  And I know the answer to my question, when I asked Chad why he wanted to be mixed up in it.  I know now.

Next time, most of the joke seemed to have been worn off the subject.  I was there to support Chad but – hell, my heart wasn’t in it, and I just couldn’t see the sense in what he was asking.  A flying machine!  I know what it is to dream – but flying? Don’t people have enough troubles already without going up in the sky to find more? 

Then I fight for his good name – for my good name, too.  I fought them all until I nearly fought Jelly too, and got a busted lip and sore hands, and a sore back, all for nothing.  Chad was doing more damage with his fool ideas than I could do in five hard minutes with those idiot town perezosos, those lazy, good for nothin’ lunkheads, and me, wasting my breath and busting my gut for him… 

And still fighting mad with him, sitting at the table with Teresa asking what happened, and me with no patience for anything and shouting at Maria for the meal when I knew she’d bring it when was it was ready.  I know, if Chad hadn’t been hiding in the kitchen I’d have gone right on fighting, and shouting, until Murdoch woulda had to stop me.  But I guess Murdoch was worth hearing, talking about being a fool being part of growing up, and maybe taking on those guys was the fool thing I did when Chad was doing his growing up.  But like the old man said after he’d told that story of his – maybe sometimes it’s worth it.  And I could name a time or three, or a dozen, when I’ve not been quite as wise as I might have been.  So in the end, my anger was gone and I felt kinda proud to praise Murdoch like that.  He knows more about people, does my father, than just about anyone I know.

And maybe I learned a little something about myself that I can live with, that I’m a practical man, and the world needs practical men, but I can laugh about that and know that that ain’t the only approach to life.  Inventing may be crazy but the world needs dreamers too, and it made me glad to see how pleased Chad was to be runnin’ back to his dream.  Do I ever dream?  Sure.  Just not about flying.  And I didn’t know right then, laughing with Chad, what I know now.

I don’t know what it was that made me push that machine off.  Was that the practical man in me?  The one that put out the fire and then – well, I was right.  It had to be done.  Dreaming it would fly wasn’t enough, and I just knew that.  And I hated that I was right, couldn’t hardly bear to move, or look at Chad, felt like I was just … just sorry it had to be done.  And out there, on that end of that hopeful ramp, I just had to make it plain.  Flew like a brick.  I guess it was true but I didn’t give me any satisfaction saying it.

It was worth doing.  But the cost of it?  Maybe that was just too high. 

End
April 2022

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